Suicide: A Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem

Suicidal thought is something that is very difficult to understand…unless you have been there.

I have experienced suicide attempts by a close family member, and I have joined with many people who thought life was not worth living. I also have a personal experience when depression and chaos was that desperate in my own life. I was driving around an exit ramp which had about a 30 foot drop just off the pavement, and there was not a guard rail in place. For just a moment, I remember clearly thinking that it would be so easy to drive straight through the curve. Fortunately, I already had a professional relationship with a fantastic therapist. I called his office, and he told me to come directly there. I did, and helped me to find a positive way to express my pinned-up emotions which were maintaining my struggles. I am so thankful that I did not lose my life and require my family and friends to experience a permanent loss over a temporary problem. I personally consider it a privilege when people share their struggles with me, and I have sat down with a handful of people who recently lost a loved one to suicide. When a family member or close friend murders him-or herself, the pain and questions are unbearable. The only way to address this problem is with prevention.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, in 2021, there were 48,183 suicides in the United States, which is more than double the number of homicides in that same period. Suicide is the third and second leading causes of death for groups of people between the ages of 10-14 and 15-34 respectively. In one survey, 17% of all students had seriously considered attempting suicide in the previous 12 months. This problem is serious, and you need to be prepared to do your very best if someone shares with you that they are experiencing this struggle.

It is important to differentiate between suicidal thoughts and desires to self-harm. When a person desires to self-harm, it means that she or he wants to physically injure him-or herself without dying. Examples might include purposefully cutting one’s skin, burning one’s self, hitting one’s self, purposefully interfering with healing of an injury, or hair pulling. You may have heard people say that they are so frustrated that they are going to pull out their own hair. When a person is injured, regardless of whether the behavior was purposefully self-inflected, the brain releases endorphins that function as a pain killer. These same endorphins will reduce emotional pain as well. Sometimes when people are really hurting, they don’t want to die, but need relief from emotional pain.

 Suicide is different. I have never met anyone that I believed wanted to die without a reason. There is always a problem the person cannot solve, and she or he believes the only way to escape the problem is to escape life. In 1943, Abraham Maslow developed a hierarchy of human needs. Our first needs are the things we must physiologically have to survive. Examples include air, water, and food. Our second need is to be safe. When a person is hurting so much that they want to assault their own need for safety so they can escape the pain, there is a serious problem.

As with all other types of crises, your first step to being helpful is to remain calm. If you are agitated, you are exponentially more likely to make an unwise decision because you didn’t take the time to think it through. Secondly, take all expressions of self-harm seriously. Third, seek to identify the problem, and ask the individual if they would still want to die if that problem were forever eliminated. If an individual can see him-or herself without the problem, that person has begun to heal. Forth your job is to remain calm and talk to that person, to determine the following: Does the person know what he or she plans to do to themselves that they believe will be fatal. Even if that plan could never be fatal (like holding one’s breath), take that seriously because it only takes seconds to make another plan when the first plan doesn’t work. Does the individual have access to the weapon(s) or other instruments to carry out the plan? If so, try to encourage the person to go to the nearest emergency room. If that does not work, discretely call 9-1-1. Remember that the only person you can control is yourself. Choosing to remain calm can help the person that is suicidal, and potentially save your life and the life of others. Finally, seek professional care, including involuntary hospitalization if necessary to help the person remain safe while working through the problem and finding a solution.